"The Rad Roster and her first Hawkey Pewl"

I have around 3 drafts sitting in my folder just waiting to be edited and posted for all of your viewing pleasure, which only means that I've been slacking with my blogging priorities lately. So you might ask, "Tonia, why oh why have you decided instead to write a fresh entry without gracing us with your Flames updates and quirky opinions?". And I might say that, well - I've been distracted. Now, I am completely aware of how irresponsible this may be from one hockey fan to another but please, let me explain.

I have joined my very first ever Fantasy Hockey Pool. That's right, the real (fantasy) thing. I studied for a week straight and when friends asked to get together during that week to play a game of pool, have a drink, catch up over coffee, or what have you... I was busy at home like a good hockey fan. I had loose papers scattered from one end of my desk to the other, the bookmarks in whatever novel I was reading were scribbled stats on a ripped off corner of an envelope from that day's mail. It was the most intense week of my life, besides round one of the 2004 NHL Playoffs, and round two of the 2004 NHL Playoffs, and round three of the...well, every damn second of the 2004 NHL Playoffs - but let's not dig up the phantom goals of the past.

So, my very good friend, Adrian gets a hold of me two weeks into this season and has a bit of a pickle to overcome. He has recently been living in Edmonton (I know, right?!) and has no friends to enjoy the Flames games with and nothing to distract him from this ever exhausting and frustrating fate. He NEEDS a hockey pool to keep his heart pumping, to keep the thrill alive! So who's with him!? That's what he really wants to know. I think to myself, "Well, I've never been in a hockey pool before but, of course, I've always wanted to. I know enough about the sport and could probably do myself a favor and test the knowledge I already have acquired. Why not?". We gather up 12 guys (ahem, 11 - I am the ONLY girl in the league, which I believe is worth mentioning) and set a date for our draft, October 31st, 2010. I spent the entire day reviewing my notes, ranking almost every single player in the NHL on yahoo, where we would meet online later that night to pick our players. You would not believe the stress and anxiety that goes into such a thing! I nearly paid 20 bucks to cause my own premature heart attack. Every excruciating minute of waiting for the draft to begin was almost worse than the actual act of realizing that no matter how much I studied I wasn't going to obtain the dream team I had been crossing my fingers for. Or could I?

Here's the thing about being a woman AND a hockey fan. No matter how educated you are about the sport, the men in your life will always think you're an idiot. Know that now along with the fact that there is next to absolutely nothing you can do about it. Ladies, that's just the way it is. They LOVE that you can hold your own in the most intense disputes between which team/player/coach/mascot/announcer/broadcaster is the best, even if you have the stats or background information to prove it. They will even be proud of you, genuinely. There is a "but". But... they will always "know" more.

I have found the secret. It's called....a hockey pool. Simple. (To back this up, my ex frequently tells me about the only girl who is ever in his Fantasy Football League and that she always does really well! And to back up my point, he - year in and year out - seems surprised by this lone fact by offering up comments like, "...and she's actually good!")

Here are my initial picks (being 11th first round in a snake rotation).

First overall was incredibly easy for me and no matter how much anyone in their right mind would pick Ovi.(as if he'd be available after the lucky drafter who got 1st overall - except in my fantasy draft, which may have even made history - 1st pick? Steven Stamkos. Smart. But he's no Ovi?). I got to thinking. What is my strategy? How can I obtain the most talent across the board and expect the most out of the players I chose? My league, especially for my first Fantasy Pool ever, is very complicated. I admit now that I didn't understand how intricate of a situation I was getting myself into, however my strategy is paying off. I thought that instead of choosing one of the top forwards left over when my turn "snaked" around, I would choose someone who would benefit my team offensively and defensively. Smart? So far.

First pick for The Rad Roster? Easy. Mike Green.

Now, the funny thing about Mike is that we went to school together. He was a year younger than me, and obviously still is but it mattered more at age 4 when he was in pre-school and you were in almighty kindergarten. It has been years since I've seen him and I don't claim to know him anymore, but I used to have this funny crush on the "younger man" back when I'd say I was in, oh... the fifth grade? He would have been in grade four? Such a no-no! And now, he's my first round pick (11th overall) in my very first hockey pool! Lucky him or lucky me? All joking aside and of course most importantly (besides the fact that he is an incredible hockey player), he was the first member of "The Rad Roster".

Now. I needed to get on my goal-tending immediately. Sure, it would have been nice to have the Steven Stamkos' and the Alexander Ovechkin's on my roster, yes. Need I remind you of how complicated the scoring is on this league?! Everything counts. Goals, assists, power play goals, penalty (infraction) minutes - and I add this here because one of my "idiot" questions was, and I quote, "Why the hell does PIM stand for Penalty Minutes?!", and even the boys I asked couldn't tell me. Penalty Infractured Minutes. Anyhow, I will carry on. Shots on goal, hits, +/-, (for net minders) saves, shots against, wins, save percentages and shootouts! Every bloody time a player blinks someone gets a point, I swear! There begs the question of whether or not all of my research and time spent studying paid off. Was my strategy going to withstand the top scoring forwards the NHL has to offer that were inevitably up before the snake slithered to the light directly underneath my anxiously awaiting cursor on the computer screen? Back to my strategy.

Well, Miller was gone. That only means that someone was on to me. Alas, there were only two measly nail biting picks in between my choosing Mike Green and whom I would select as my second pick overall. Henrik Lundqvist. And then the anxiety set in. You see, not only is the scoring ridiculously complicated, but so is the actual snake itself. I had enough time to break a sweat, run to the bathroom, grab a Kleenex, run back to my computer and realize I had enough time to pee, run back to the bathroom and do just that, wash my hands, back to the computer (still running) and realize I had enough time to let my pooch out in the yard all whilst grabbing a beer, until my next pick. Whew, just in time. Alexander Semin. Ahhh, yes. How he was still left in the lineup of juicy forwards is still a bit of a head scratcher, but I gladly added him to my roster with open arms.

This was when the boys really started to pool the rug out from underneath me. (As I read this post over this morning I noticed that it should have said pull the rug out from underneath me. Rather than correct the statement I thought it was suitable. It stays.) Pick after pick I watched my six hours of ranking go directly down the drain. I could go on forever, but most of you know how a hockey draft for fantasy pools is conducted and the stresses that go hand in hand along with them so I will simply provide you with a list of my players. Here she goes. (Yes, that's right. I said "she". Here SHE goes.) In no particular order, besides the top three picks:

Mike Green
Henrik Lundqvist
Alexander Semin
Michael Cammalleri (I laughed as I wrote his name out - of COURSE I drafted Cammi)
Rene Bourque (Love him!)
Ilya Kovalchuk
Tuuka Rask (Damn you, Thomas!)
Brent Seabrook
Mark Giordano
Loui Eriksson
Jonas Hiller
Lubomir Visnovsky
Dustin Penner

I have to admit, before I go any further, how proud I was of myself. After everything was said and done I was overwhelmed to say the least, however more than anything I couldn't wait for my 1st head to head match up. I realize this blog post is a bit excessive and lengthy at best, so I will attempt to catch you up as briefly as possible. I'm currently well on my way to winning not only my 1st, but second week as well. I am sitting tied for 4th place overall with a record of 6-3-1 by the end of week 1 and this far into week 2 with 12-6-2 and three days left! I have even received a few congratulatory comments from the boys in my league.

I have made one slight change to my roster. I picked up Andrei Markov and dropped Gio. I hated doing it although I received some great advice from my friend, Geoff in doing so. You can watch your team play and love it with all of your heart, but when it comes to Fantasy Hockey? You have to play with your head. Love Gio, but with the guidance of my Sports Guru, Steve - I dropped him and picked up a player that will help me in the long run.

I also noticed something new. I loved hockey before, but this is becoming somewhat of an obsession. I believe my ex said to me, "Now you'll understand". Maybe I will. See, this is where the girl versus boy genetic make-up becomes a strange and unknown territory. Yes, I understand how checking the stats on your phone every thirty to forty five seconds is crucial to your day. Nothing further! I kid. We're great friends, and yes, now I do understand. During my few and very frantic breaks during the work day I can be found in a corner, cell phone in hand, on the browser checking the standings of my head to head match ups. I still can't decide whether or not I think that's awesome or utterly pathetic. I love it all the same.

In other news, the Flames have broken their 4 game losing streak and are on their way to starting game 2 of the winning kind! I recognize that I have neglected to give my forefront and aggressive opinions on our season thus far, however - in all fairness, this ain't called "The Away Jersey's" for nothing! A full fledged "Flames only" post is on it's way to you very soon! Game night tomorrow! Keep your sticks on the ice!

Go Flames Go!

T