"Women and Fantasy Hockey Lingo 101: Lesson 1"

Ladies. Oh Ladies, ladies, ladies. There are a few things guys will assist you with when you're joining your very first hockey pool. Such as, what the "I" in PIM stands for, and even then you could have googled it yourself. (As I'm typing the word "googled" my computer underlined it as if I had misspelled something. Hasn't "googled" made it into Webster's dictionary yet?!) What even THEY don't know is the lingo used in the hockey world by men on a regular basis has more than one simple meaning when that same lingo is spoken in conversation by a woman.

Here is the first lesson in what I will call, "Women and Fantasy Hockey Lingo. 101"

When you are contemplating letting one of your players go in exchange for someone else because you need to fill in the blanks of categories that you are lacking points in, you must first be aware of your surroundings and choose your words carefully. Let me paint you a picture.

Last night I was discussing the many plagues of the Calgary Flames Franchise with my boss and new favorite person on the planet, Zach. (We'll discuss those plagues in a later post.) Now, he is a *cough* Leafs fan - but hey, no one's perfect - back to the story. We got onto the subject of my hockey pool and I was asking him questions about Phil Kessel (an FA in my pool and a Toronto Maple Leaf, which is why it was important to mention Zach's allegiance). I mentioned the areas where my Roster seems to be lacking and ways I thought I could improve my overall standings. While I am still keeping my head above water in this league, currently in 4th place, I was looking for someone with a bit of a reputation for taking penalties. There are other fields that are out of my control, such as power play goals and the ever questionable "hits" statistic, although you CAN find scoring players who are also hotheads on the ice. As we continue on, I tell Zach how I had compared a few other players available to pick up to who I would drop if I felt the shift in my Roster would help even out all of my categories when all of a sudden out of my mouth is this: "I just need a guy who spends more time in the box."

A split second goes by before I realize what I've done. I am behind the bar at a cozy little neighborhood pub completely surrounded by men with half consumed beers in their hands. Their waitress has just announced that she either needs a hothead hockey player for her Fantasy Hockey pool, OR her more personal "needs" are just not being met.

Lesson #1

When speaking about the box in question, be sure to note your surroundings and use the proper language to ensure that anyone within earshot of what you are about to say has no reason whatsoever to question whether you are sending out open invitations to your bedroom or if you are IN FACT a dedicated hockey fan and Fantasy player. Fantasy and box in the same sentence without the words penalty and hockey can lead to rumors and offers you just might not want spread about or have offered to you. Other phrases that may have been more appropriate? "I am looking for a hockey player to add to my roster who draws more penalties for my Fantasy Roster", or, "Which hockey player do you think would spend more time in the penalty box than this or that player?".

Never, "I just need a guy who spends more time in the box". Never.

At least it was worth the laugh!

T